one word

For some reason, there is one word that is constantly repeated in my spirit and, unfortunately, I am unable to shake it.

Humility.

I have been struggling with my spirituality for the past couple of years. Now, that's not an open door for someone to just walk through and sling some verses or Christ.ian cliches at me. I own a Bible. I recall verses.

In all honesty, my view of God lately, has been that He's inconsistent. There are certain areas in my life where I feel that He truly has His hand on the situation. There are times when He's carried me through storms, while I was ignorant of its severity. But there are other times when I feel as if I'm fighting alone and waiting on Him to ring the bell...or that I've screwed up so bad that He's just thrown His hands in the air.

I am well aware of His goodness. He has certainly shown Himself to me this year and every year. I'm just trying to organize my thoughts.

So there's a verse in Revelations...3:15, in reference to being neither cold or hot. I have been feeling lukewarm. I used to have a fire. Since it flickered, my faith has been sinusoidal. B/C of this, I sometimes feel as if I don't have the rights to anything. Yet, at the same time, I get mad...as if I believe that God owes me SOMETHING.

Maybe this is where the humility comes in. I can't turn a corner without my blessings in sight, but I focus more on what I haven't gotten an answer to or what has yet to be resolved.

the funny things about face.book

While reading this blog, I was brought back to those negative emotions that I displayed on here towards J's dad. He was actually my friend on FB, b/c it was convenient. I wasn't about to mail a picture of J, so he had access to J's photo album and could puff his chest out and act as if he's been some big help while looking through the pics, I guess. Well after my angry post last week, I clicked my mouse so hard that I almost broke it when I defriended him. I'm laughing about it now b/c I'm tickled with the things that we do on face.book...and how serious it's gotten.

I joined a little over a year ago...under duress, lol. My girlfriend set up my account and then "friend"ed herself. Not too long after, it seems that every person that I may have even glanced at in high school were sending friend requests. And then there were those people that I really had to think long and hard as to how I knew them. Soon my mysp.ace addiction was satiated and I was on to something new. There are a lot of things that I like about the site, but there are also things that I can do without. I'm going in...

1. I can do without the hug requests, smile requests, or any of those other "cutesie" requests. I'm still scratching my head over the point of it all, but to each his own.

2. I do not play Mafi.a Wa.rs, Fa.rmville, Sor.ority Li.fe, etc. If there's any way to control MY not receiving a request, I would greatly appreciate it. I REALLY could do without them. Please and thank you.

3. I can do without the undercover brothers. When I post a pic or update my status, instead of commenting below it like everyone else, they wanna shoo-shoo over email. This would be fine if the emails didn't say, "Girl, you got me thinking some things..." Yeah, I'm thinking some things too...like, "How's the wife and kids?"

4. I can do without the status messages that try to police other people's status messages. Let them do them and you do you. The "Hide" button has been a close friend of mine...but then you have to wonder. If I'm hiding them, why am I friends with them?

5. I said #4 but people DO lack sense these days. I can REALLY do without the status messages that allude to your getting or having just got "some". You sir, are a lame.

6. I can do without the friend requests after I comment on a mutual friend's page. No...you are their friend. We have never met. (This doesn't apply to bloggers that I frequent but have never met...I welcome you all.)

7. I can do without being tagged on EVERY doggone picture that I am in. I have de-tagged myself for a reason. Or worse yet, someone that's not even IN the picture, will tag me b/c...it was such a gross mistake for me to NOT be tagged. Please mind yurn!

8. I like how one friend of mine, who met J's dad through me, was friends with him on FB long before I even knew that he had an account. And then is all up in his photo album, commenting on pics of J, talking 'bout how J looks just like him...blah, blah, blah. Say word? So ya'll cool like that??? Please note that I'm looking at you real crazy right now...and am wondering if I can do without you.

9. I can really do without the jacked-up face.book "upgrades". Do us all a favor and just leave well enough alone.

10. I am currently doing without the "Honesty Box"...but I am open to someone explaining why they like them and if someone ever said something juicy in their box...and did a torrid affair ensue? Just curious.

Any more???

the juices part 2

Continuing my artsy fartsy ramble from here...

I performed the "morning after" test...

I looked to my left...



I looked to my right...



And everything was right with the world.

I spent most of today coaching J on his presentation for his science project.



THE SNACK MACHINE

...able to pour snacks and cereal into a bowl...and leap tall buildings. Exciting, hunh? All of the components were found around the house. I think that we (I mean, he) got this in the bag.

So, those home improvement projects that I mentioned a while back...I think that I'm on the move. I called Tee and asked her where she found her backsplash tile. I really love how colorful it is and wanted to do something similar since my kitchen colors are about the same as hers. She was more than helpful and mentioned that she could probably get me a discount since she's an inter.ior de.signer. Score! So, I just need to take some measurements and see what the total damage will be.

I just have to really motivate myself to paint my bathroom...again. I think that I'm going to make it the same shade of green that's in my hallway.

Believe it or not, those art classes helped. Here I was, thinking that everything that I do revolves around J but those classes made me remember my own interests and how therapeutic they can be.

Although the best part was spending quality time with J, I got to spend some much needed time with me.